Growing up and learning about the world.

I haven't posted on here in a long long time.

Since then, I've started college. Gaining friends and losing friends. Learning lessons and making mistakes. I've failed time and time again and been ahead of the game more times than necessary. I've gotten my heart broken and fallen in and out of love so easily. I've forgot what it meant to love and stopped believing in it for the longest time. It's been a long journey, but I'm loving every minute of it, even if some of those minutes I've been sad or mad or confused or frustrated. It's all going to be worth it in the end. I just know it.

I'm never going to give up. There may be times when I think about calling it quits, but I know that I'm meant for something bigger than all of this and that eventually, in time, I'll have everything and more. It will all be worth it. It will all be grand.

"I’ve got another confession to make."

Every time I see you, I get butterflies.
Every time I hear your name, my heart leaps a thousand feet.
Every time your name pops up on my cell phone, I can't help but get the biggest smile ever.

I love you and I hope some day I can tell you, but until that day I'll just sit idly by and hope that you're happy.

I hope whoever holds your heart right now makes you happy. I hope she makes you feel the way I feel about you, because you deserve to feel this way. You deserve everything. You are the most amazing soul in my entire world. Words can not even begin to describe how wonderful you are (which is odd, because words are used for the sole purpose of describing.)

I hope someday I can share with you how I feel, because I've felt this way for years now, but I will continue to wait, because I don't want to lose you now, not when I need you the most.

I love you. I love you with everything that I am. I hope someday you will love me too.

Discovering the truth.

I'm not me without him.
I'm not happy without him.
I'm a blob in the world, a talking, walking blob.

I thought after 6 months, I wouldn't think about him as much, I couldn't care as much, I wouldn't love as much, but no, I think I think about him more, care about him more, and love him more now then I ever did when we were together. I've realized my mistakes and I've realized what I could have done differently.

I should have fought for him, for us, but instead all I did was cry to him. That's not fighting, that's being a little girl wanting to get her way.

I'm not strong. I'm not who I thought I was. I'm not sure I'll ever truly be okay without him in my life.
If he's reading this right now, I hope he can see how much I need him, how much I miss him. I love you and I know I will always love you, even on the worst days, I'll love you.

So maybe I have depression, but what's a girl supposed to do when she has no hope and the world is falling apart.

Love is a powerful action.

I think that there is a slight chance I'm falling in love.
In love with the world around me and people and objects and a beautiful, beautiful special person.
This time, I'm ready to fall flat on my face.
I'm ready to get hurt.
God is amazing and will always be there for me. With that in mind, how can I even begin to be afraid to fall?
I'm not afraid to put myself out there to the world anymore, because no matter what I will have my God behind me 100 percent of the way. He will never abandon me. He will never call me stupid. He will never laugh when I get hurt. He will always be loving and kind and whole-hearted. I am crazy in love with my Savior and know that through everything, I can always trust in Him.

So here I am world, I'm ready to fall.
Catch me or throw me to the ground.
I'm ready.