Late hours of the night leave open room for writing.

Insomnia kicks me in the butt again. I can't sleep, my iPod is broken, I've watched every movie we own, and no one is awake.
So here I am, on my own personal blogger, blogging.
Well, tonight I did something I'm actually very proud of, but know I will soon regret. I deleted Jack as my friend on Facebook. It had gotten so bad that I would check his page almost every day, just to make sure he was still there. I had to delete him, he's not a part of my life anymore. At least the other people who just sit there will say hi if I said hi to them, he simply ignores me.
So tonight I deleted him as my virtual friend, something I'm going to have to try to keep him as, because I know I'm going to be trying to add him again soon.
But for now, I'm proud of myself.

I've been trying to figure a lot of things out lately and have come up with no conclusions. I'm beginning to question why I do some things. I think I like attention. I don't try enough. I'm never satisfied with who I am. I loved who I was two months ago, but then I became a shattered soul. Heck, I loved who I was last week, but something has changed since then and I can't quite figure it out.

I've started writing in my own personal journal again, which is a good thing since I'm not willing to share myself completely with the world wide web. It's also become a dream journal. I had a really weird dream the other night, but I can't remember it. I hope I wrote it down.

I realized tonight how much I missed out on this year. Well I guess I didn't miss out on much, but I never documented what I did. I was going through pictures from this year to remind myself of everything and almost every album I opened was filled with pictures of Jack and I. Most of them I could skip right over without giving a second glance, but then I came across one that completely shattered me. It was the most beautiful picture I had ever seen and I began to cry, because I spent my whole year with a boy who isn't even in my life anymore. That kind of sucked.

I don't really feel like anyone listens to me anymore, but then again I am sitting here at 3 AM talking about random things that no one really cares about. Hmm, I'm hungry. I suppose I will end this post now.

If your out there reading, I'm moving on. I realize I'm better than you and you never deserved someone like me. I just hope I can actually move on. I don't know why I haven't yet. Something must be wrong with me.

Good night reader.