Back to square one.

I thought I was getting better. I really did.
I was doing everything right. I put my priorities in line, I did things for me, I thought I did well.
I cleaned my room, I watched movies, I read, I started writing again, but even through all of that, I still can't forget.

I can't forget how it all began. I can't forget all the comments you left. I can't forget every note you wrote me. I can't forget waking up every morning to a text from you. I can't forget talking to you every night before I went to bed. I can't forget that you rescued me from the darkest place I've ever been. I can't forget that you changed some of your bad habits because of me. I can't forget the things we said we'd do, but never got around to. I can't forget what I wrote in your yearbook. I can't forget spending the best summer of my life with you. I can't forget playing more video games in one day than I have my entire life combined. I can't forget rushing home and coming up with dumb reasons for being late. I can't forget coming back to your house and having to watch out for the bunnies. I can't forget laughing with you. I can't forget fighting with you. I can't forget crying with you. I can't forget any of it.

Today it all came back to me and I realized I'm not going to be okay like I thought I was. There is nothing that anyone can do or say to make me see otherwise, because I've heard it all.

I've already realized exactly what everyone is telling me, and I already got over everything and was moving on. But then because I was getting better, people stopped to care. I can't pretend to be happy just because people hate to see me upset. I can't pretend anymore.

I hurt and I want him back more than I want anything else. I want him to see how great we've been and how bad all this is hurting me. I want him to know that this isn't right.

I'm back to square one, but I'll come around.